My Favorite Guys

(This article is part 1 of 2)

If you’re like me, you didn’t watch the NFL Draft, if you’re like one of my favorite guys, you went to the NFL Draft. Really, does it get any more hardcore than that? I love the NFL, and more specifically the Bengals, but these guys put my level of fandom to shame. That doesn’t mean I find it admirable, quite the contrary actually, to me hardcore football fans are some of the most ridiculous people I’ve ever seen in my life, yet I still love them, on a twisted, mocking level.

If you’ve never seen the draft, it takes place in New York every year, so it’s understandable that a few Jets' and Giants' fans may check it out if they have nothing better to do. Well not only do Jets' fans not have anything better to do, they’ve declared this day a gang green national holiday. These guys epitomize hardcore, not only by the fact they flock the draft venue in droves, but also because they are some of the most obnoxious and belligerent fans period.

The greatest thing ESPN has ever done is put together a montage of Jets’ fans reaction to their team’s 1st round picks through the years of 1980, ’81, ’83, ’87, ’89, ’90 ’92, and ’95. These were all years that Jets’ fans were less than pleased with their team's pick, so as soon as the commissioner read the Jets’ selection, the room exploded into shock, boos, and shear disgust. This was mixed with shots of other teams’ fans actually pointing and laughing at the Jets’ fans. It’s awesome. But one needs to actually witness each of these years to fully appreciate the moment.

Like in ’83 when the Jets needed a QB and opted for Ken O’Brien instead of Dan Marino. I love the eternally optimistic fan ESPN interviewed after selection, he’s like, “Maybe the Jets know something we don’t.” Yeah they know how to screw themselves. Or in ’95 before Paul Tagliabue read the selection, Jets fans are chanting “We want Sapp (Warren Sapp)”, and then you hear, “the Jets select Tight End, Penn State, Kyle Brady.” Before he could even finish his sentence you heard a collective moan of horror as the camera zooms in on a Jets’ fan whose head collapses into his hands before he likely sobbed uncontrollably.

But forget the Jets' fans for a minute, the one I really felt bad for was Kyle Brady, he’s on the stage with a look on his face like what the **** did I do to deserve this? That alone is enough to doom someone's career before it starts.

Could there be a worse venue to hold the draft, though? Year after year it takes place in a metropolitan area represented by a team that routinely makes some of the worst conceivable picks. Face it, due to their team’s draft selections, Jets’ fans are justified in their repugnance. It likely made them that way, or at least contributed to it. That’s why it’s so amusing now to seem them cheer for basically everything their team does.

It’s like they’ve decided after years of sucking, if they pretend to act excited, it may make things work out somehow. Like this year the Jets traded with the Panthers for the 14th pick and Jets' fans ignited like they won the Super Bowl. J-E-T-S, JETS!! JETS!! JETS!!! And at that point they had no idea who their team was even going to draft at 14 and what they gave up for it.

Jets’ fans have become the show, and the only reason to watch 12 hours of hearing people’s names being read. But the reality is Jets' fans aren't unique. You could move the draft to any other professional football city in the country, and the result would be the same: loud people whose only hobbies are football and alcohol. Can you even imagine what would happen if a draft took place in Oakland? The spotlight just happens to be cast on Jets' fans due to circumstance. So sorry Jet fan who attends the draft, while you're pretty hardcore, you're not the hardcorest. That distinction goes to those select few who actually make a trip to New York solely for the purpose of attending the draft. These my friends are the Real Men of Genius.

Everyone has seen them, the one Dolphins' fan wearing teal amidst a sea of green sticking out like a white person at a Roots concert. It's bad enough that someone would go the draft while living in New York, but it's unfathomable that someone would make a special trip across country to attend. It's even worse when the guy's team makes their picks and he's doing the Yung Joc rev your motorbike dance move while everyone else in the auditorium is just looking at him with blank stares.

I remember listening to a sports talk radio show a few years back when a caller was complaining about how much of a horrible experience it was when he and his family attended the Draft and how he actually feared for his family’s safety. Wow, really? You mean you didn’t have a blast with your wife and kids being around a bunch of inebriated, unemployed, middle-aged men wearing face paint and ridiculous headgear? Who in their right mind plans a vacation around attending a name-reading session at the end of April? That’s worse than sleeping in a tent in your backyard. Next year can we can attend a lecture on how they make cheese, dad?

Honestly, what were you expecting buddy? Party favors and the limbo? It’s the freakin’ draft, the only thing worse than watching it, is attending it, and the only thing worse than attending it or watching it, is living and dying by the results. For as much grief as fans perceive their teams subject them to, no one really knows how successful a player will be, so there’s no point of investing anything more than mild interest in your team’s selections 6 months before the season starts.

Could Ryan Leaf have won an MVP and Peyton Manning been a bust? It’s possible. There’s no such thing as a “sure thing”, and no one would draft players that didn’t believe had the potential to be productive. Yes, the draft can make or break your team for years to come, but there’s no way to tell now, so stop investing so much into such a pointless endeavor.

I realize there can only be one team that wins the Super Bowl each year, but I hope we as fans haven't reached a point where are we are so desperate to cheer for something, we cheer for literally anything? This is when know you have a problem and need to find a new hobby, or a life. It's like the gambler who refuses to admit his vice until he wakes up one day and realizes he just bet $8,000 on the coin toss before a football game. Get help my friend, get help. But in the meantime, feel free to keep making everyone else laugh.