And you said the Pro Bowl was stupid

Admit it, you didn’t watch the Pro Bowl. Not that I blame you, I mean why would you? It’s by far the worst “all-star” game there is, heck it’s even a weaker exhibition than a pre-season game. At least those 2nd and 3rd stringers are busting their asses for a job, the only incentive there is for a Pro Bowler is an extra $20,000; they make that in 4 minutes during the season. To say they put forth 25% effort would be generous, yet I can’t fault them, why get hurt over a game this meaningless? Instead of continuing with this mockery, they should just eliminate the whole game and have those voted as all-stars play each other in Madden or something. Yet somehow, for some reason, everything changed Saturday. Suddenly the Pro Bowl didn’t suck, at least not as much as it usually does.

It all started when Bills' Punter Brian Moorman got hit by a semi-truck. It happened during the 3rd quarter when poor Brian was instructed by AFC coach Bill Belichick to run for it on 4th down instead of doing what he was voted there to do, punt. He ran alright, right into Redskins' safety Sean Taylor’s flying forearm. While it seemed like everyone else on the field was jogging, because it was the Pro Bowl after all, Taylor literally came out of nowhere running at 154 mph. I don’t know if he thought it was LaVar Arrington carrying the rock (LaVar hit him with a shaving cream pie to the grill in ’04 which caused Sean to cry and seek medical attention for his eyes, you can check it out on youtube), but before anyone could blink, Taylor ignited Moorman’s entire body 8 feet in the air, suspending it completely horizontal. Remember now, Moorman is a punter, he has the body frame of a high school freshmen, Taylor is a 230 pound beast. It was the equivalent of one of those crash test dummy commercials where the car runs into a brick wall, and the dummy goes flying through the windshield.

After the football was ejected out of bounds, Moorman’s body came crashing back down to earth as he stayed there on one knee for a number of seconds, motionless. Honestly, I didn’t know if he was dead. Even if he wasn’t, I wouldn’t have got up, at least not until the police showed up and I made sure to get his insurance information. Yet, moments later, Moorman sprang up and acted like nothing had happened. On top of that, he actually went out on the field to give his regards to Taylor for the hit. “Thanks dude, for knocking the living $#!^ out of me!”

Seriously, you have to love sports though, if this were anywhere else, U.S.A, this guy would be suing Taylor and wanting him imprisoned for battery. But on the football field, in an attempt to not fulfill the inescapable role of a wimpy kicker, Moorman has the inexplicable fortitude to congratulate someone for forcing him to cash-in some of his frequent flyer miles. I guess he was just glad Taylor didn’t try to spit on him. If they can make intentional grounding legal in this game, then they sure as heck better institute a rule in every Pro Bowl from here on out making it mandatory that there’s at least one play where a kicker runs a fake. I will clear my schedule the day of the Pro Bowl every year to ensure I can watch it if they do this.

Unfortunately for a while, it seemed as if that lone, solitary play would be the only excitement in another otherwise pointless excursion between representatives of the AFC and NFC. Yet, in an unfathomable plot twist, after scoring a touchdown in the final 3 minutes, the NFC recovered an onside kick. Suddenly, after trailing by 14 points in the 4th quarter with everyone ready to actually enjoy Hawaii, the NFC decided to make the game interesting. A minute later, Cowboys' quarterbackTony Romo had tied up the game with a 47-yard bomb to Cardinal receiver Anquan Boldin. What in the world was going on? To the dismay of everyone involved in the game and the delight of those who wasted 3 hours of their life watching it, it looked as if the Pro Bowl would go to overtime. For a player, that is the equivalent of you going to work and doing the job of one of your subordinates for free.

Being the gallant stallion that he is, however, Bengals' quarterback Carson Palmer galloped onto the field with a minute and half left and drove the AFCers into NFC territory. Then, with his sights focused on pay dirt, he heaved the ball towards the end zone as Bengals wideout Chad Johnson awaited its arrival before being flanked by Cardinal Safety Adrian Wilson. Despite the fact that the interference call prevented a touchdown and eventual conclusion to the game, it all but still ensured the AFC would win if they could execute a chip shot of a field goal. Chargers' kicker Nate Keading did just that and the AFC had won! Or better yet, everyone had won as the game wasn’t as much of a joke it usually is. Maybe next year you’ll think twice before watching Cheaters instead of the Pro Bowl.